Grief and Grieving - Q & A

The First Anniversary

Question
I have 1 question. It's been 11 month's since Dad's  passing. It just seem's the time has passed so fast hard to believe it is almost 1 year. I have noticed that ever since I was at his grave on Memorial Day & the 1 year anniversary is coming up ...I can feel myself starting to feel a little down. Is this feeling at the 1 year mark normal. I am very sure the answer is yes.?

Answer
Yes, it is very normal. In anticipating the first anniversary of a death, it is more common than not for intense grief to reemerge. It's generally short lived.

Anniversaries, birthdays and other special events may trigger brief moments of grief for years to come. They do tend to be just that...moments...and over time the general intensity diminishes.

Hope that helps,

Susan

Life Has Changed Forever

Question
It has been 14 months since my husband's death and although I feel I have made progress I know that my life has changed forever.  A social worker told me, in the beginnng. that you learn to function around the pain.  These words have always stuck with me because that is exactly how it is.  The pain is always there, we just learn where to lay it down when we must go on with life.  It always surfaces and at times just as intense as the day it happened.

Answer
Yes, the pain is still there but over time it loses it's sharp edge even when it gets triggered by anniversaries and special events. Those moments certainly occur but are generally short lived.

Fourteen months is still relatively recent, and we do get drawn back into life...LIFE is quite compelling and intoxicating when it comes right down to it.

No matter how much we love the past and the people we have lost, life has a way of providing new and different opportunities to find meaning, satisfaction, and love.

You have been changed forever, but you were changed forever when you met him and when you married him, yes? You have all of that to sustain you as you move forward.

Be well,

Susan