Grief and Grieving - Q & A

Can I Use Your Book for....

Question

Can I use your book for sharing with others. I lost my husband almost 4 years now and I see in my church there are more and more like us.... and I want them to know that I am there, a phone call away.. We both know that the silence can be deafening at times and you are being strong for your kids. so who do you turn to.. for me it is Jesus... spiritually. but phisically, my hubbys bathrobe..

Answer

I agree that silence is deafening. I'm so glad you want to step up and help.

I am happy for you to share the book with others. The book is a wonderful resource for anyone leading groups or visiting people who are grieving, and you are welcome to use it in that way. You are also welcome to give a copy to the church library.

What you cannot do is make photocopies or printouts to give to people. If you would like to share copies with other people I would be happy to arrange a quantity discount.

Thanks again for reaching out.

Helping a Friend Who is Grieving

Question
I have a friend who lost her son in February this year. She has been in-consolable ever since.  I want so badly to help her. I want to know what the most helpful thing I can do for her is??

Answer
Watching someone go through this kind of loss can make you feel quite helpless, and losing a child is one of the hardest losses anyone can go through.

In order to be helpful, you need to get comfortable with her pain so you can really be with her without pity or feeling like you need to fix it.

Second, listen to her. One of the most healing things you can do it listen to the stories she has to tell about her son and his death. (Warning...listening to the same stories over and over again can be wearing but that's exactly what she needs to do. It helps if you're not the only one doing it)

Here is a link to an article I wrote on how to help that you may find helpful.
5 Ways to Help When Someone You Know is Grieving

I would also encourage her to find a support group. Counseling is fine but grief is not a mental disorder and support groups tend to be much more effective.  I would recommend contacting Compassionate Friends, an organization specializing in the loss of children.

If you can't find a group through them, you can check with your local hospice, funeral home or clergy for a referral.

Last but not least, I would get 2 copies of the book...one for you and one for her. It will educate you on what the grieving process is really like and what it takes to get through it.
How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Has Died

I hope this helps.

Susan