Question
Thank you so much. Your book has been quite helpful; so has a grief counselor I see once a week. I appreciate your emails, and benefit from Q and A by others grieving.
My Mother was cremated . We held a memorial service at the church about a week later, but postponed the interment. Next week we will travel to place her ashes in the family plot next to my Father. I have felt the burden of no closure and will be greatly relieved to move on after this is over. I hope I do not have unrealistic expectations.
Answer
I'm glad you're completing the last bit of putting her to rest. It's important not to have that hanging over you.
The rituals of mourning are vitally important in the first few weeks following a death. The wake, the funeral/memorial service, and internment provide a predictable pattern when nothing feels predictable.
Though every religious tradition has its own rituals, they all function as a way of offering immediate support while those who are grieving are still in shock and not quite grasping the reality of what's happened.
At a time when people are not thinking clearly, the rituals provide an anchor and direction that is very helpful and soothing to most of us.
The problem is they belong to the first few days and weeks after a death, not months. When they are postponed as they've been in your case, they can feel like quite the burden because they still need to be done, but their usefulness is long past.
Will you find closure? Yes and no.
Internment will not bring closure to your grief which is a multifaceted, circuitous, and time ladened process, but the internment of your mother will lighten the load a bit, bringing closure to the initial responsibilities of the grieving.
