Question:
I recently lost a brother. I am worried about how my mother is dealing with the loss, she doesn't want to see his body. She is going to have the body cremated, and wants to hold on to the ashes. Everyone that I have talked to says that this is not healthy. I really want to make sure that everyone deals with this in a healthy way.
Answer:
Honestly, I didn't hear anything in what you said that screams unhealthy especially if this is a very recent death.
Yes, viewing the body often is helpful (makes it real) but not everyone chooses to. Holding on to an urn of ashes may not be your way or mine, but if it brings her comfort, I see no harm in it.
Who is the 'everyone' proclaiming this to be unhealthy? It's really not helpful to hang that on anyone else's grief.
Here's the thing...we all grieve differently. There is no one size fits all. Because of the different feelings and timing of grief, families often have a hard time supporting one another. That's one of the reasons support groups are so helpful.
The best thing you can do for your mother is to tend to your own grief and let her deal with hers. That doesn't mean ignore her, but it does mean let her lead the way.
I would also encourage you to find a support group for yourself. Losing a sibling is a big deal and you need support too.
I hope this helps.
Take good care,
Susan
Related Topics in the Book
"Difficulty Getting Along with Your Family" Page 84
"People Worrying About You" Page 91
"Visiting the Cemetery (or Not) Page 43 The advice here applies equally well to viewing the body.
Comments