Question:
Twenty years ago, I lost my first love in a horrible car crash. I was 18 and in love. I have tried doctors, medicine, counselors and reading books on grief and nothing is helping.
Answer:
Though I don't know much about you, I would suggest you consider 2 possibilities...
1. You never fully grieved this loss at the time. I've had people show up in support groups for a death that happened 30 years ago so you would not be alone in this.
2. There's something else going on. The possibilities include...
• There was a problem in the relationship...ie it wasn't as perfect as you think. Questions to consider...Did you have a fight before he died? Were you thinking about breaking it off? Was he? Were parents on either side against the relationship?
• There were other losses (or traumas) prior to this loss and they've gotten all mixed together.
• There have been additional losses since which keep reactivating this one. Most of us relive old losses a bit when we have a new loss, but generally it's short lived unless we really didn't grieve the first loss.
• There were a number of deaths very close together. This always makes grief more complicated.
I hope this helps,
Susan
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